too long I've been afraid of..

Today I had my latin paper I exam; I did the best I could considering I haven't done any latin for months I think I did okay which is gooood. Finished with like 40 minutes to spare. Sadly latin is one of the easiest exams so I fear it can only get worse.

Saw some of the Stocks's girls after the exam which was nice; they're all so lovely, I do miss quite a few people at school.

No exams tomorrow, just lots of appointments and then a huuuuuuge day of exams on thursday ARGH

I texted Will today and he has been texting back, which is amazing so I'm really really happy about that; I still miss him so incredibly much. May even get to see him soon -crosses fingers-, going to try and speak to him on the phone tonight so he can hear how much he's hurt me. Oh god I love him so fucking much


Love to all

"Too long I've been afraid of,
losing love I guess I've lost.
well if that's love,
it comes at much too high a cost.
Kiss me good bye,
I'm defying gravity"

So Give Me Coffee And TV..

Okay so...the diet isn't going as well as I hoped due to unforseen food in the house such as large chocolate cakes. So as a result I am even more of a fat heffer than I was 3 days ago; this is not good.

Yesterday I got a job; well sort of..it is voluntary in a charity shop in town..I joined for something to do because I'm so bored and also because I can choose my hours around my exams and get "retail experience" oh and also feel good about helping blind people ^^.

Kept Chris up til 4 am when he had to leave for work this morning; I'm such a bitch! XD It was funny though, he makes me laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh.

Tried to buy a book about becoming a barrister from Ottaker's yesterday but they didn't have it "because it only came out a week or so ago" what kind of pathetic excuse is that!?! Neither of their depots have it either so it will take 3 weeks to arrive. Pathetic.

First latin paper at 2 on tuesday and then 2 spanish papers, RS ethics and maths I on thursday..have to be in the exam room at 8:20..I mean whattheactualfuck! Oh well I will just get on with it..even though it might be difficult to get up as I have not been up before 9:30 for months..I'm so SCREWED.

Anyway yeahh..should exercise morre as well but it's all rainy =[

Love to all.

PS Sunday Times has free punk CD today <3

"So give me coffee and TV,
History,
I've seen so much that I'm going blind,
And I'm brain dead virtually"

If there's one thing I hang onto...

So today is the start of the rest of my life..I think I've finally accepted that I'm on my own right now and that I can be okay without him. I'm not expecting it to be easy, especially as I have GCSEs to get through but I'm going to try as hard as I can.

So far today I have:

1. Tidied my room..it's rare..
   
2. Found a recipie to make for dinner so mummy doesn't have to do it when she gets home from work
3. Drunk hot lemon water so I feel all detoxed and clean inside

I plan on spending the rest of the day revising and not eating crap. Also intend to go for a short run and do my pilates; its amazing how much better I feel after just half an hour of it. The reason for all this is purely that I have put on a fair bit of weight and now feel like a bit of an unhealthy heffer. The weight gain is due to stress over exams and a certain boy who treated me like shit for 3 years. It's going to take a while longer to get over him properly I think but I'm most definitely making progress.

Also when mother gets home am going to persaude her that we should purge the cupboards of all the shite that is in them and all go on a healthy eating regime and sort our lives out because we're all feeling crap at the moment, which is mainly my fault, but I'm working on it.

Don't think anyone will read this, but hey!

Love you all.

"if there's one thing I hang onto,
that get's me through the night,
I ain't gunna do what I don't want to,
I'm gunna live my life."